Dear God

Dear God,

Tease me,fight with me ,laugh at me, make me cry...

but give me your shoulder when i die...

Thank you for being there when no is around to understood me...

Yours,

Lost eyes

Never say goodbye

Its for that frnd...

That frnd who is so close nd special...

That no one else can take IT's place...

Oh frnd,

This one is for u...to tell u that u always be this close to me...

That no one can ever come to where u have reached...

Nd that i will never let anyone come as close as you are..

To that frnd of mine...

With whom I share almost everything!

A small note saying tht "We will never say goodbye"

Seasons will come nd go,

Time will fly,

Ambitions will rise nd fall...

But You nd I...

We will never say goodbye!

People come nd people go,

Money comes and money goes,

They nd them will always come nd go,

But You nd I,

We will come nd never go...

Flowers will bloom and leaves will fall...

Spring will arrive and autumn will depart...

And as the moon rotates around the earth,

Nd the earth revolves around the sun...

You nd I,

We will stand there looking by....

Through all the...

Heart break nd heart beats,

Irritation nd anger,

Fights nd meets,

Through all the distance in kms and miles...

You nd I will never say goodbye!

Love ya!

Finally....

It had been six months...

Six cold nd long months..

Six self questioning months...

And IT all came down yest...IT all just went away...

The pain...the hurt...the hard feelings....the soft feelings...

Now i am back to wht I was...being me...in some way...

It was 6 months..after which the walls broke down finally...

Six months after which they all left me...

The memories a blur...to start a fresh present...

All it took was to hear:

" I am glad to have u as a frnd nd I am sorry for all the wrongs I have done to u"

It just took tht....and another 8 hrs....just to sit there hearing and listening...

Hearing...my pain...my hurt...my frustration...my self questioning...my hard nd soft feelings go away...

Listening....to my faith...to my heart...to my hope...my frndship...my peace of mind...my self respect....coming back...

It took me 6 months...to finally fly free...

To come out of my cocoon...

And nt in the near future am I ready to face the metamorphosis again...

I faced it once...

Nd took away whtever i had of me...

Which with great difficulty i am finding again...

And till the time i do...i ask all of IT to stay away...

Give me time...dont get me down any more!

I dont have the patience...the stamina to face u anymore..

Will break nd break if it happens once more...

I just beg of u...

Let me find myself for once...

The delete button!

All everyone talks at one point or when they are depressed is

"I wish I had a rewind nd delete button nd undo all the things in my life tht went wrong".

Little do they realise tht whtever we are today is bcoz of those wrong things we do....our moral values...our sensibilities...everything varies with time nd age...

If we were to undo all the "mistakes" we think we made...then never ever would we become "WE"...

It would be someone totally different...

We wouldn't have the same frnds...the same feeling of frndship...

We wouldn't have our morals...

We wouldn't have the same values...

Not everything in life can be corrected...

Not everything is meant to be corrected...

Whtever can be corrected is given a second chance much later in life when we "realise tht it needs to be undo" or grow "big" nd "mature"...

Everything is destined from before...all cues rehearsed...like it is said...the world is a huge stage nd we are just actors playing our role skillfully....

Nd its very rare tht we get another chance....bt its also imp to remember tht we do get tht only bcoz the "mistake" can be corrected!

Dont hope to get a chance...

Dont wish to undo things..

Dont let the "wrongs" get to u...

Believe there was a reason u didnt get there...

Believe tht there was a reason it all had to happen...

Believe tht nd move on...

Bcoz its easy to forgive others for the "mistakes" they made...

Bt its difficult to forgive oneself for all the "mistakes" we think we made...

Nd the more we think abt it...the more it will pain us inside...

Dont wish life had a rewind or undo button...bcoz then u will realise tht the more u "undo" nd "rewind", the more chapters of ur present life will get deleted!

Love nd Hate

He said "nothing in this world can affect our relation" yet everything affected...

He said "I will be there for u always" yet when i need him the most he disappeared...

He said he understood me yet when understanding is required he went away...

He said he will love me forever yet when i need love he is never there to give it...

"I HATE YOU" Satvika screamed.

"I hate u...i hate u...why did u leave me like this?...Broken shattered....why did u give me false promises....Why did u say forever when u had to leave early?...Was ur forever this short???I Hate u....I hate u "...Satvika screamed nd shouted nd fell on her knees crying inconsolably...

It had been 10 days since Amit had left her....

She had house arrested herself....crying madly....screaming shouting...nd just crying...

She had given up eating....locked the doors nd windows...slept little nd just kept on repeating "HIS" words over nd over again...

She had gone insane by the 7 th day....she had nt bathed....her kajal all smudged over her face due to intense howling nd squalling...she had almost lost her voice due to mad yelling nd screaming...

The walls of her house were filled with the words he said...love nd hate words...she had practically carved the words i hate u on her body....She had lost all her mental stability...

She was just waiting for death to take her away...

She just hurted herself over nd over again...

Blood stains lay all over the floor....the walls filled with it too...

She had to drag herself from one corner of the room to another coz she had no energy...her place stinked...there were all sorts of insects over....bt all she cared was HE had left her...HE had made false promises nd now SHE hated HIM....atleast thts wht she thought!

And from a small window of the opposite building a small girl looked at her everyday....All she understood were the words LOVE painted with blood on the wall she could see...

On the 10th day she silently said a prayer to God..

"God if this is wht is LOVE nd this is wht it does to us...then i dont wanna love anyone"

Up above....God just shook his head in dismay seeing how wrong the concepts of LOVE nd HATE were in his beloved earth!

Relations...

Its an everyday talk...Relations....nd we have quite a many....nd each relation is different from the other...

The uniqueness abt humans are the way they handle each relation as time nd destiny throws it at them...

Nowadays...when ppl talk abt "Relationships" it usually means dating or romancing someone...the true essence of the word is slipping away with time as hugs..kisses....girlfriends nd boyfriends take over the very meaning..

Ppl are forgetting with time... tht "relationship" doesn't always mean tht...its depth is more than wht is seen on the surface...

Relationships also mean...commitment....time...destiny...laughters with hints of tears...its a roller coaster ride where one doesn't know wht will happen after each bump they face....whether it will fall nd shatter or make it till the very end...

Described by dictionaries it is a state of emotional connectedness between two individuals...nd the meaning is very true...

Today we all have emotional connectedness with so many many people...either through blood or family or frnds...

There is a lot involved in every "relation"...bcoz 2 individuals are involved in them...

We are nt defined by our character or our attitude...

we are defined by the "relations" we keep with everyone around us...

New feeling...

Its a new feeling thts passing through me...

Nd it scaring the hell out of me..

I dont know wht to do...i dont know who to turn to...

All my theories seem to be lost...

All my walls breaking down..

There is somethin thts creeping inside those dark walls...

Giving light in the dingy heart...

I dont know how to deal with it...

To freak out or nt...

To give the feeling a chance to develop or just let it pass...

Which sort of change am I going through?

Will it change the meaning of my being?

Will tht feeling become far more important than others?

Will I finally start settling in?

Will I me nd myself will be of more concern?

Or the others still matter?

Wht sort of feeling is this?

Tht has shaken the very core of my foundations...

Will dealing with it make me more selfish or selfless?

Does the feeling actually have a name?

Or is it just a phase i am going through?

Its tearing me apart...

Coz i dont know wht to do...

Its driving me insane...

Coz i dont know wht to listen to..

The Angel nd The Devil ...

They both say the same thing...

Now who do i listen to?

With my walls breaking down...

Giving way to the light creeping inside...

Its a new feeling tht is passing through me...

Nd its scaring the shit out of me...

Contemplations...

CONTEMPLATIONS OF MYSELF.....

I see this other girl in the mirror…nd every time I do I get swayed away by the aura surrounding her…the way she looks confident to face the world... never letting anything stop her…her self confidence boosted…tht girl in tht mirror….she has something in her tht I don’t…I know her yet I don’t…she isn’t the same every time I meet her…I fall in love with her every time nd I wanna see her more…bt when I leave her… I realize there is nothing I gained from her…I just look at her…nd don’t learn anything…she has got the confidence I lack….the guts to face the world nd nt think abt it…tht girl,tht girl in the mirror…she is way different from me bt yet I find her so alike…who is she??...ppl say u see ur own reflection in the mirror…but is she really me?? Or am I really her??

I had thought first tht when I first see my reflection in the mirror. I will see a dark faced girl with deep black eyes with probably a smile….bt when I looked the first time I didn’t see her…instead I saw a nt too dark face with beautifully deep eyes nd a most warming smile…I looked back thinking someone was standing behind me…bt there was no one…I looked all around…there was none bt me…I again looked in the mirror…bt I couldn’t find myself…there was someone else everytime I looked…it wasn’t me…I frantically searched bt yet again I never saw myself-the dark face, deep black eyes with a smile….I always saw her…I ran away…After a few days nd a lot of courage I looked once again nd again I saw “her”…tht girl…who was she?

LONER

It was late afternoon...

I was sitting on the staircase with the sun on my back and cool breeze blowing, with my hair scattered on my face....my ipod playin my favourite song...and i was lost into deep thought...

My exams had just got over nd i was doin the thing i loved the most...be lost in a world where only Me nd My thoughts were allowed...were no one judged me...where i did nt have meet anyones expectations nd...where i could finally be alone...

Yes i am loner...nd i have no regrets in being one...

I have always heard tht its painful to be one...bt I dont think so...ppl who are nt find a loner to be cynical...bt the ones who are can relate to everyone...

Its nt easy to be loner...its difficult...bcoz u ALWAYS want to hide away from the world nd be lost in a world of your own...then the world becomes a place from which you want nothing...where u have no expectations nd where if u are broken or hurt it doesnt matter because in the process of being a loner u go through so much of pain tht pain given by "materialistic" things dont matter...

.

When the littlest of appreciation makes u happy....

When all u need is a small pat on ur back when u are down...

When a hug gives u all the encouragement u neeed....

When ppl matter so much tht u forget urself admist them...

AND

When tht happens...u turn into a loner....bcoz at times all u want is urself...to disappear into a world where u can be at peace coz out of it no one is there to understand u!

Being a loner is nt a crime...its just a phase...

And for ME...

the longer the phase the better is it!

The bubble of freedom...

Its the sense of freedom that gushes through me...

The delight of being free...

The old dream of flying high...

The old dream of touching the sky...

Today I dont have clipped wings to fly...

Today no one tells me how much to fly...

Today no one tells me which way to fly...

Today i just get to fly..

I wanna fly like i have never before...

I wanna fly like i never will...

I wanna catch that old dream and explore...

I wanna help that bubble of freedom to soar....

Pieces of me...

Today all I have is myself...

With no one I wanna call my frnd...

With a woven sheath around me...

Now I have become immune to pain nd joy...

Where expectations no longer exist...

Today all I have is my pain...

With no desire from anyone...

No love care or concern do i want...

Where grey and black is wht i yearn...

Today all I have is my fear...

The fear to mingle with someone new...

To come out nd make someone close...

To loose myself yet again for someone...

To hurt myself all over again...

Today all I have is my broken heart...

Which was once filled with love...

Which did beat for once...

Today all I have is myself...

With no one I wanna love or call my own...

No words of frndship or love I want...

No care or concern...

Noone I want to tell my fears, pains or secrets too...

No one at all...

Today I just wanna be with myself...

With my woven sheath around me...

Reverberates of my heart...

I have started talkin more to myself...

Loosing out on topics to talk on...

On issues to argue on...

People term it as a metamorphosis...

Bt its turning me insane...

Coz its breakin me inside...

All i need is nt someone to LISTEN to my HEART bt someone to LISTEN to the PAIN behind the ECHO of my HEARTBEATS...

Its breakin me inside...this pain its creating...

Nd it isnt the first time its happenin...bt everytime tht it does it deepens the wounds tht have been created in tht thing we call our heart...

Its just another one of those times where my pain has become more family than anything or anyone else...

Its just another one of those moments where ppl can nt read between my lines nd feel the pain i am goin through...

Its just another one of those instants where i am loosin myself...

I keep learning every day how far i am goin from who i used to nd discover a new me...

Someone i dont know...someone who is different..someone who is searching for me...coz she is a new me...

Someone i cant understand well..coz i dont her yet...i dont her how frndly she will be...or how quickly will i understand her....

Coz though being ME...she is still nt ME...

I hate this phase... cause it brings out a new me...

I love this phase...cause it brings out a new me...

And today...

I dont know who i am...i dont know wht i was...nd i dont know who i want to become...

Coz i need...

I need nt someone to LISTEN to my HEART bt someone to LISTEN to the PAIN behind the ECHO of my HEARTBEATS...